Finding an amicable solution sounds easy, but it is extremely difficult. To do this, you have to open up emotionally and verbally express your own thoughts and feelings. Some would rather run a marathon than face this challenge.

The reason this all seems so difficult is not just saying what you're feeling, but understanding why you're feeling it. This is very often due to your own expectations of the relationship you have (or have had) with each other. Very often a relationship constellation (you are my partner/brother/friend/mother etc.) leads to a (obligatory/should be) behavior that is not communicated at all. The disappointment you may experience may relate to the connection you have ('I thought you meant more to me) and the other's rejection of the content (he/she just had another appointment that day).

It's even more exciting when you're sure about the other person's motivations without ever asking ('I just know him/her and I know that').

In most cases, relationship problems (also between colleagues and friends) are communication problems. Too little is said and too much is interpreted/assumed. The solution is always an honest conversation.

Instructions for the open discussion:

• Invite the person with whom you are having difficulties to a meeting and also communicate that you are looking for a personal and confidential discussion
• Try to start with pleasant and connecting topics and create a positive atmosphere (alcohol consumption should remain moderate, otherwise it can quickly slip into the dramatic)
• Say what's on your mind. Open and honest. Start the sentences with 'I want to get rid of this situation from back then...' or 'I felt like xxx' or 'I would like to understand why...' also 'it troubles me to see that...'
• The more honestly you feel about the above sentences and the more strongly you want reconciliation, the more open and receptive your attitude towards the answer will be.
• No matter what you hear, keep calm. Don't argue, don't take anything personally, don't feel offended, just listen. If something isn't clear to you, keep asking why.
• Then talk about yourself and your feelings, e.g. 'when I hear that, then I will xxx - BECAUSE e.g. 'because I had hoped that we would be closer/more familiar', or 'because I thought that that was also your wish/goal' .
• Regardless of whether you think how unimportant your previous thoughts were (in hindsight) - speak them out. Even if you think you're making a fool of yourself with it, it was your hopes, desires and feelings and therefore they have a right to exist. By saying them, you (at least) respect them. Besides, you don't know what happens afterwards. But what you do know for sure is that the unspoken thoughts won't bother you forever and you don't have to ask yourself, 'What would have happened if I had just said it then'. That liberation alone is worth all the effort.
• "What do we do now" - that could be the question at the end of the conversation. When everything has been clarified to your satisfaction - then celebrate. If an illusion has burst on one or both sides, then pick up the usable pieces from the shards and put them back together again. If the relationship couldn't be repaired, then maybe be thankful for the good time together and the experiences you had.
• From this conversation, the relationship begins on a new level. Either it has been consolidated or freed from illusions, or a separation ensues. That too can be an opportunity
• If you would feel safer in such a conversation with professional, neutral support - I also offer mediation.

On my homepage www.liebeskonzepte.de I offer even more in-depth free information on the subject of relationships between people.